sophomore college memories

As my freshman year at Olivet came to a close, I found myself torn between schools. On one hand, I loved Olivet, but on the other, I had changed my major, lost some scholarships, and my roommate, whom I had become best friends with, was transferring. Now you have to understand some background here: throughout my school experience, all but one of my good friends ended up moving and leaving state-I thought that trend would end after going to college (because for once, I was the one leaving)-not so. Anyway, I wavered back and forth for several months not knowing what to do-praying and feeling like I was up against a brick wall. I knew if I stayed at Olivet, I was going to be the only one of our group of friends who stayed and my experience wouldn't be the same. With three weeks of my Freshman year remaining, I made the decision to transfer with my roommate to a college located 1,000 miles to the south. It was a decision that I regretted for a long time afterward, but gradually came to accept. From where I'm at now, I obviously am not able to say how things would have been had I stayed, but I do know that the school I'm at is a good school and though its not as well known, my instructors have all had good hearts and I believe I am a better person than I was when I started.

Anyway, I digress. As Sophomore year began, my roommate, A.L. (who had flown to visit me for the last week of summer), and I decided to take the train back to school...maybe that trip was a harbinger of things to come, but if it was, I didn't notice. We boarded the train on August 16, hoping to arrive in Newton, KS. on August 19. That didn't happen. After our first train got delayed in Northern CA. by 8 hours, we missed all of our connecting trains on day 2. For some reason, all the station employees decided that we had purposely missed our connections and were very reluctant to help. That being said, when we reached the Bakersfield station, we found that we were going to have to be bussed into Los Angeles due to railroad construction (this was after multiple mix-ups and people telling us to get on the wrong train/bus/ etc.) We just barely made our bus. It was max-out capacity and the air conditioning didn't work. It seems like it was something like a 2-3 hour bus ride to the LA in 90 degree heat, but because the air conditioning wasn't working, our bus met up with another bus we were told was going to take some of the passengers. Ha. It turned out that the other bus was already just as full as our bus and their air conditioning wasn't working either. Anyway, we finally made it to LA and ended up getting to the station there around midnight. The train we were supposed to have been on had left hours and hours earlier, and the next one wasn't to leave until 7 pm the next evening. As we had been on 4 trains and 2 buses that day, and had been blatantly lied to, given wrong directions, and had almost been stranded several times, we were exhausted and ready to pull someone's hair out. When the 4 of us (the other women were a middle-aged mom relocating to a new job, and a grandmother on her way to visit grand kids) who were supposed to have been on the earlier train found a station manager and told him what was going on, he became defensive and basically told us that we had missed the train on purpose-it was our fault and he wanted nothing to do with any of it-wrong thing to say. A.L. and I had had it, and I remember her saying something like, "Listen up buddy...". When he wouldn't listen to her, I stepped in and remember telling him quite sternly that we had paid over $500.00 for tickets and certainly expected better service than to be run from station to station by men like him who claimed we were lying after our trains had been delayed by construction projects, disorganized scheduling, and uninformed station employees. I told him that I was calling in a complaint to the railroad headquarters as soon as I got where I was going (which I did) and I would not hesitate to mention him by name if he wouldn't do something about finding us a place to sleep that night. With nothing else to do, he angrily told someone to put us in a hotel for the night and we could take a taxi back to the station the next day. The rest of our trip was uneventful, but our 3-day trip had turned into 5 by the time we got to KS.

(PS-I don't blame Amtrak for the fiasco...I've heard that construction projects in CA. routinely delay both passenger and commercial trains through that stretch of railroad. I have also had very good experiences with taking Amtrak's Empire Builder between Chicago and the Northwest-and I would do so again if necessary. This particular experience could have been altogether different if station employees had had any clue what they were talking about, or cared to take some time and do what they could to remedy the situation. The Amtrak customer service reps. were very prompt about responding to the complaint I placed later, and a portion of our trip was refunded.)

-pic.: Train station at Redding, CA. on the day that everything went wrong. This picture was taken around 10 am, and before things really got bad. At this point, we knew our first train had been delayed, but weren't sure how that was going to affect the rest of the trip. I didn't know it at the time, but one of the ladies we ended up with during the fiasco is in this photo (gray long-sleeved shirt with luggage), she was a life-saver, and we ended up having dinner with her in the LA station, and all sat near one another on our last connecting train out of the city-she made sure we all compared directions and were in the right place throughout the ordeal. I still remember her first name and wish I had been able to send her a "thank you" after everything was over.


-pic.: A.L. and I at the hotel the railroad put us up in. It was nice to get a shower and be able to relax outside of the busy station. We took the opportunity to walk around the block near our hotel before check out and ended up seeing the LA County Courthouse, the Disney Opera House, and Pershing Square.


After arriving at our new school, A.L. and I tried to adjust to our new surroundings and majors. At this point, she decided to become an English education major, while I was studied Communications until the end of that year. I eventually changed my major to English Ed. last few weeks of that year because I realized that I had felt pushed in that direction for a while, but had been reluctant to accept the idea of being a teacher.

Some of the highlights of Sophomore year included a Fall break trip to Illinois and Indiana (30 hours in the car on a 4 day weekend), visiting a friend in Texas for Thanksgiving (the first Thanksgiving I spent in Tx....and my first experience with homemade southern-style Banana Pudding-best desert around!), Spring break trip to Michigan w A.L.'s grandparents, and a surprise birthday party that A.L. and about 15 friends threw for me after we returned from a quick trip to Springfield, Missouri.

-pic: Driving through St. Louis on the way to Chicago, I told A.L. that I hoped that one day we'd be able to see the Gateway Arch. Not 5 minutes later, we saw it looming over the horizon, and because we'd made a wrong turn on the interstate, ended up driving right past...the pic. turned out well for holding my camera out the window blindly and snapping a quick shot at 60 mph. I guess everything happens for a reason-even wrong turns. :)


-pic.: A.L., our friend M.M., and I in a courtyard off Michigan Ave. in Chicago.



-pic: A.L. bought a kitten for her brother and his fiance as a wedding present, and we had to drive him 3 hours to their house. He was a fiesty little thing (which is what made him so endearing in the first place), so we thought he'd be a handful in the car. However, as soon as we got out of town, he curled up in A.L.'s lap and went right to sleep with his paw on the steering wheel. In this picture he had managed to get up on her family's kitchen table and had crawled into a card.



During the second half of the year, I began communicating over e-mail with the guy who would become my first boyfriend. I also changed my major. As the school year came to a close, a friend and I ended up in an argument that was unable to be resolved and our friendship was lost. I was also diagnosed with depression and was placed on medication to treat it. It was tough end to the year and a difficult summer...probably my most trying year of college.

-pic.: Younger bro. and I in May, after completing my sophomore year.

freshman college memories-olivet

College Living


Olivet Nazarene University was my dream college. I knew that the minute I picked up the brochure that I found in a "college connector" magazine during seventh period study hall my junior year of high school. January 18, 2005, I found out that I had been accepted. June 15, 2005, I visited the school for the first time during "new student orientation weekend" and August 24, 2005 was my first day of class. I can't think of a better place to begin "adulthood"-the school was everything I dreamed it would be and more. I left after my freshman year (a decision I long regretted, though I have made peace with my choice) due to lack of scholarship funds, but I will always remember it as being a place of values, knowledge, faith, and fun.

Parrott Hall-Room 309 (see faint yellow circle in photo-click on photo to enlarge). My first "home-away-from-home". I will say, Olivet's dorms were pretty sparse, even by my low-class standards: white cinder block walls, halls carpeted in 1970's orange, and pale blue tiles in the bathroom...not pretty, but livable. One of my clearest memories from Parrott Hall involves watching live news footage of Hurricane Katrina while getting ready to go to class during the first few weeks of school. I remember that in my homesickness, I felt a sort of kinship with the displaced people being interviewed by the media.

The Weber Center. This building is located across the street from Parrott Hall, and was usually the first thing I saw in the morning from my window, and the last thing I saw before going to sleep. The Weber Center had just opened (my freshman year, or the year before-I don't remember), and I was lucky to have several classes there; everything was very high-tech and modern, and it was a neat place to learn.

Work

My first day at the college, a friend I had met at orientation, offered me a job with her as co-football managers. She had a relative who was on the coaching staff and we were quickly accepted as part of the team. As managers, we attended each practice, did team laundry every night, and were up bright and early on game days prepping the field, setting up the sky-cam and other video cameras and walkie systems, and repairing helmets, cleats, and other gear for the players. We even spent Sunday afternoons watching game films with the defensive linemen. We spent so much time in the locker rooms that the night security guards knew us by name and we could identify any of the 100+ players' lockers with our eyes closed. Though we pretty much had the same duties as managers during games, during the daily practices, my friend tended to spend more time repairing equipment, while I spent many, many hours 30 feet in the air in a deer stand with a video camera filming plays for the coaches...something that was fun, but proved difficult during the 10 degree weather we had toward the end of the season when the wind blew the deer stand so much, that at times we all worried that it would blow over. It was also hard to hold the camera with numb hands! lol! All in all, it was one of the best jobs I've had. The coaches were awesome and the players treated us like little sisters-making sure that we got around just fine on campus and putting anyone who tried to intimidate us in their place. The photo above is of Ash and I after we raided the eye-black sticker supply one night in the locker room. The photo below was taken at a game in Iowa in November 2005. ("Fight on for ONU, Fight on fight on for ONU. Fight on for ONU, Fight on fight on for ONU. We are for you, we are for you, fight on!")

Fun

This horrible picture is of a bruise I got one night while sliding down a bannister in Burk Administration Building. I was enrolled in a night-time literature class and was so happy to be done with class that night that I slid down every bannister from the 4th floor to the 1st. Unfortunately, as I got the to end of the last one, I was unable to avoid sliding into the iron ball end-cap...I suppose I got what I deserved.

We were spoiled at Olivet to be located so close to Chicago. Though we didn't visit the city every weekend, we did go a number of times-usually taking the "Metra" train to Millennium Station in the morning and returning to the Manteno station on the 4:15. Though I'm not a fan of big cities (too crowded!) I love Chicago and will be happy to visit again some day!

During my last few months at Olivet, my roommate and I went to Davenport, Iowa-part of the quad cities (Rock Island and Moline, Illinois/Davenport and Bettendorf, Iowa), where we visited among other sites, the John Deere Pavilion and museum.

ldr

My college career will be ending in just a few short weeks and I was thinking tonight about memories that stick out the most in my mind. I'd like to do a series of posts on some of my favorite/most memorable memories from college, but I'll start that later. Tonight, I wanted to write about LDRs. For those of you who don't know what that means-be thankful! LOL! A LDR is a Long-Distance Relationship. So far, I'm 3 for 3 in that department-I've never been in a relationship that was fully local. My first two relationships didn't last long for various reasons, but those, and the one I'm currently in have taught me some things about the whole "let's date from afar" thing. However, let me be clear: I would not wish the long-distance struggle on anyone...it is truly a trying ordeal. But all is not lost. If you are lucky (as I have been in my current relationship), you will find someone who is willing to fight the distance battle WITH you (not for you or against you...it won't work that way), someone willing to put their own desires and needs aside and work through the separation alongside you. If you are able to find that person, the end of the tunnel will be clear through all the frustration and resentment that is felt at times. In my current relationship, I am the one who initially separated us. I left state for college and thus, 9 months of the year, we are super-long distance (2,000 miles). Since we began dating, he has taken a job out of state as well, and now we are semi- long-distance 100% of the time, though when I am at home we are within a day's driving distance. As the first to create distance in our relationship, I felt a certain amount of guilt for dragging him into something so tough, but he has been nothing but good to me. Yes, there have been some rough times, but we've, thus far, been able to see it through. All in all, if you are considering a LDR, please, please read the following list carefully and know that EACH item listed is CRUCIAL to making a LDR work. I've felt the need to write this post for some time because of what I have learned...if what I've learned or been through can be of help or encourage someone else, it's a worth-while post to write.

When entering into a LDR, each partner must be able to:

-Trust Fully -If there is a suspicion that there could be any kind of infidelity-address it immediately, otherwise, the jealous/suspicious partner will drive the relationship...straight onto the rocks.

-Isolate Themselves Against Feeling Too Much -This sounds harsh, but I've learned the hard way that letting your emotions reign supreme when neither of you is able to change the current situation is both pointless and frustrating (this is something that I believe is usually harder for the female than for the male-because we are naturally more emotionally driven).

-Love Deeply -Your feelings for the other person must be able to extend through any situation. You won't always be able to see their face or hold their hand, but you must be able to hang on to those sensations and be secure in the knowledge of what the other person means to you. If you lose sight of this, the relationship will seem to lose value.

-Communicate Always - It's not healthy to be in communication every second of every day (24/7/365 - trust me, I experienced this kind of LDR- it did not have a good outcome), but it's also unhealthy to take the attitude that "It doesn't matter, we can't be together tonight anyway, so we don't need to talk"...Yes, you do. Maybe not every. single. day., but at least a few times a week. You need to share everything-from frustrations about the relationship, to mundane daily activities. (On the bright side, a long-distance, phone-driven relationship can actually help you develop sensitivity to the voice of the other person-you will be able to tell a lot by their voice, and this will help you in your in-person interactions when you discover that you are not as able to read facial expressions as couples who date locally. It's also good to develop coping mechanisms like inside jokes that you can default to during rough talks.) Both parties must be willing and able to listen and provide support for the other partner...because you WILL need mutual support.

-Be Positive...a majority of the time - Things will naturally be hard, but 90% of the time, try to stay upbeat. This one is tough for me. J. has really been the one in our relationship to remain positive through everything, and it's his positive attitude and outlook that has enabled me to have one too on many occasions. I tend to be melancholy, and at times, very self-centered. A consistent negative attitude will wear both partners down. I struggle with this issue the most personally, but it is something that I can't leave off the list. I have found that the more positive both of us are, the better things go.

I know, each relationship and personality is different, and different relationships will need different levels of each of these things, however, each point is very important and needs to be addressed when considering a long-distance relationship. Also, there will be people who will tell you that you can't do it (One day, I was asked about my relationship status. When I mentioned that I was doing the long-distance thing, this person actually had the nerve to say "Might as well say good-bye to that one." I'm proud to say that was over a year and a half ago, and we're still going strong)...to them I say, "YES YOU CAN!"...It just takes lots of work, lots of trust, and lots of love.

all you need to know about fitting rooms

Reader's Digest has a fairly new monthly column titled something like " (insert number) Things Your (insert job title) Won't Tell You". Recently, this has been my favorite piece in the magazine and I enjoy reading "the dirt" regarding services that we all take for granted...things like what our doctors say about us behind closed doors, or how our waiter responds when we don't tip as well as he or she thinks we should. The quotes in the magazine are provided by anonymous employees and usually prove to be quite enlightening. That being said, I decided to write a similar post about my job..."12 Things Your Fitting Room Attendant Won't Tell You". I've worked the fitting room in two clothing stores and have of course, had discussions about the fitting room patrons with other employees, so the things I'm going to mention are *generally speaking* pretty commonly held opinions and facts.

01.) Please re-hang your clothing after you have tried it on. It doesn't take much time and makes it easier for us to process your clothing and get it back on the sales floor, which in turn allows us more time to help you. And if you just can't re-hang it, at least turn it right side out. This makes hanging so much easier and is much more sanitary. It's not healthy or enjoyable to have to muck through anonymous sweat in order to reverse a shirt. (Some fitting rooms provide us with hand-sanitizer, but most do not...and we can't run to the bathroom to wash our hands after each shirt we hang.)

02.) We really don't mind getting you a different size or color. It's our job, and it takes less time for us to find a particular article than it would take you-helping you get in and out faster (hopefully with more product purchased). It also saves you multiple trips to the fitting room.

03.) Don't be afraid to give us back the clothes that don't fit. Some well-meaning people think that they are saving us hassle by taking their "ill-fitting" clothes back out to the sales floor. The truth is, we get in trouble for your hanging mistakes. Each store has different hanging policies and if our boss finds those pants you hung the wrong way, we get blamed. It's so much easier for us process your "ill-fits". (PS-This does not void tip number one! It doesn't matter if the article is hung right, as long as it is on the hanger-all we have to do is make sure the zippers, ties, and buttons are closed and tied, and the hanger clips are in the right place, instead of having to hang plus make sure the closures are fastened. It also helps us to know which articles were hung originally. It's frustrating to carry around a pair of pants on a hanger-trying to find the right rack, when they are actually folded on a shelf. Putting your clothes on the hanger is just helpful any way you look at it.)

04.) If we are in the fitting room when you leave, tell us you are leaving. Many people walk out and we assume they are getting another size (and failed to ask us to get it for them)-then someone else slips into the open, un-clean fitting room without being seen and throws a fit because there are unwanted clothes strewn about.

05.) The fitting rooms are locked for a reason: It helps prevent theft. If you find the doors locked, locate an associate and ask nicely for a room. Again, it is our job to provide a room for you, but we have to abide by company policy which states that any unused room must be locked. This is also the reason we so annoyingly ask to count the items you take in with you. Note: If you don't see an associate in your general vicinity, either wait patiently, or ask for a room at the register-there are usually a limited number of fitting room keys and other than the attendant, the manager at the register is the next most likely to have one. It is very annoying when we are returning unwanted clothing to the sales floor as fast as we can, and there is someone at the fitting room yelling and waving at us from across the store (something that happens quite often and just makes you look silly)...yes, we know you are there-we knew you were there when you got there, we just haven't been able to make it to you yet. Have some patience-we will usually suspend our "go-back" missions and help you as soon as we possibly can.

06.) When we ask to count your clothing items, hand them to us-don't just tell or show us how many you have. Most stores require the associate to manually handle each article that is taken into the fitting room, this helps to reduce theft. Trust us, we dislike counting your clothes as much as you dislike us doing it, but it is a requirement.

07.) You disrespect everyone in the store when you trash your fitting room and leave. When we go to clear out your fitting room and find clothing covering the floor in a pile two feet deep (not exaggerating-this happens on a daily basis-the worst offenders happen to be well-dressed, high-class business women in their 30s and 40s), it not only takes several trips to clear out the room, it also takes a lot of time to process your unwanteds. Yes, that is our job, but when the fitting room is busy, it requires time that we don't have and takes away from the service we are able to give other (less egotistical) patrons.

08.) Men make us happy. Men are the most apt to re-hang and physically return their un-wanted clothing (saving us the task of clearing out a pig-sty), ask for direction, and allow us to do our job in the way we are required . They are also generally more cheerful and polite, and most have a sense of humor when they ask if a shirt is too small and we tell the truth. This makes for a happier fitting room experience. (Not that all women are fussy-this is just a generalization)

09.) We are happy to give our honest opinions if you want to know if clothing fits or matches-it's another aspect of our job. However, we become less happy when you ask for our opinion and then get offended when we tell you something doesn't match or needs to be larger-most fitting room attendants love to help and want you to be able to look your best-if we say it's too tight, it usually is. (If you won't listen to us when we tell you it's too tight, we may *subtly* resort to one last attempt at helping you by telling you that the clothing might shrink in the wash. We're not trying to be mean or dictate your clothing choices, but rather we desire to save you future embarrassment when you bend over to pick up that cookie you dropped on the floor and split your capris instead.) PS-And no, we really don't care what size you are. Telling us you are several sizes smaller than you really are just to make us think you are "fit" doesn't help us and certainly isn't impressive.

10.) If you have small children (9 or under), don't allow them to come to the fitting room unattended. Sometimes mothers want a break and send their young kids to try on clothes by themselves-kids can't tell if something fits right or not and they need adult supervision. Other patrons don't appreciate children crawling under their fitting room doors or yelling loudly for their mom to come help them.

11.) Treat us like humans and you should get quality service. Treat us like servants and your quality of service will plummet due to the fact that we don't want to lose our job by letting a snippy comment slip.

12.) Again, we don't mind helping you. Our job is customer service and we know the store inside and out. If you have a need or a question, don't be afraid to ask for help. If we don't know an answer, we can quickly track down someone who does.

some rambling about my brit. lit. homework

Currently, I am reading The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano by Equiano for my British Literature class. I was supposed to have read it in one of my American Lit. classes two or three years ago, but remember getting a few pages into it, and then not finishing it. Anyway, I have been noticing many similarities between Equiano's account of native Africa, and the Africa portrayed by Chinua Achebe in Things Fall Apart. In fact, the two seem so similar in certain places that I can't help but wonder if Achebe was influenced by Equiano in any way. I don't know much about Achebe's life, but I do know that he was educated in Europe after growing up in South Africa (Equiano was kidnapped from Africa as a boy and eventually sold to an English master. He later became a well-known British advocate for the termination of the practice of slavery). From what I have read about Achebe, he is typically seen as a innovative writer, that is, he is seen not as an imitator of previous authors (as so many modern writers are), but as a pioneer in African literature. It's just been interesting to note the similarities between the two, and I'm curious to know whether others have noticed the same thing.

the baby turned into a what?!

I work in a clothes store. Most of the time, I work in the baby/kid department. With that as my preface, let me say this: I do not understand parents who dress their babies like animals. I mean, isn't that the point of having a kid? Seriously, if you wanted a cute little kitten (bunny, lady bug, tiger, or insert other 'cute' baby animal of choice), why didn't you adopt one of those instead of having a child? Dressing your baby like a little animal is NOT cute. Your child is still a human being and probably won't trick any creature (except maybe a martian) into thinking he's anything other than what he is...a baby.

P.S. Animal print outfits are fine...I'm just a little concerned by parents who think they are being clever when they dress little Tommy up in a tiger print onesie with a cloth mane around the neck, and then top it off by popping a tiger's head hat complete with ears, eyes, and a gaping toothy mouth on Tommy's head.

why i love cherries

Those who know me well know that I LOVE cherries. In fact, I think I love everything about cherries: from their blossoms which signal the coming of Spring, to their color and wonderful flavor, I think that I am cherry obsessed. I own cherry dishes, send cherry note cards, wear a cherry belly ring...heck, my car is named Cherry (and it's rather tempting to think of naming my first daughter Cherry as well, but I'm smart enough to let that one go! lol!)

I'm not sure when I developed my fascination with the fruit, but I remember looking at red cherries in picture books at my grandparent's house as a kid and being enthralled by the bright red color and clean look of a pair of lovely ripe cherries.

Unfortunately for me, I sometimes find it difficult to express my appropriate cherry love, as in youth culture anyway, cherries have become a symbol of chauvinistic sex...not exactly what I associate them with, but nevertheless, I've had to learn to refrain from doing such things as placing a cherry decal in the back window of my car-that's just asking for all kinds of unwanted attention.

That being said, here is a list of the top 10 things I like...no love, about cherries (in no particular order):

1.They are classic: A fixture in art from all over the world, spanning hundreds of years, cherries defy being categorized as a fad (unlike the apple, strawberry, or mushroom).

2.The melding of clean lines: the curved lines of the fruit paired with the straight lines of the stems...cherries never look cluttered or ill-placed.

3.Red. There is no color more beautiful than a deep, rich, cherry red. (Though white cherries are beautiful too)

4.They taste good in just about ANYTHING! (And I'm not talking about the sickly sweet manufactured flavoring used in medication and artificial fruit punch.) I'm talking about the real deal...in chocolate, coffee drinks (try a white choc. coffee based frapp. with black cherry syurp at Starbucks-awesome!), black forest cakes/milkshakes (I suggest Burgerville)/ham, cherry pie, ice cream (Baskin Robbin's Cherry Jubilee is great), in jello salads, cheese cake, coffee cake, bread, and in juice drinks. They are also wonderful ingredients in marinades and barbecue sauces. Talk about versatile...I think the cherry has even the apple beat in this category.

5.They are wearable: think clothes and jewelery (though, as I mentioned...this should be done with caution and with utmost care-or you will quickly earn an unflattering nickname). Really, have you ever seen someone wearing a kiwi pendant? I didn't think so.

6.They are the perfect mix of sweet and sour.

7.Cherries contain dietary properties that ease pain and inflammation for sufferers of arthritis and gout, as well as for runners and others who experience joint pain. Studies have confirmed that they also help prevent certain types of cancer. And to sweeten the deal, they are full of vitamins as well...yay for cherries!

8.They are easy to pick: no thorns in a cherry tree!

9.They come in sets of two...who wants to stop at one?!

10.Even the wood of the tree they come from is beautiful. Has anyone ever made a dresser out of Apple wood?

when boredom strikes

give these two lovely sites a try. That is, if you haven't already!

Jon Acuff's Blog "Stuff Christians Like"

-I recommend checking out the "archives" section: the last option in the header. A humorous look at the funny things we Christians do in church.

People of Wal-mart

-With this site, I recommend the photos. Especially pages 100-120 or so. Beware: you may see a couple of *almost* naked butts.

round waffles and twisted spaghetti

This week my former roommate, Ashley, paid a visit to those of our social group (including myself) who are still "fortunate" enough to be college students. I love it when she's here. I have never met another person who thinks and responds the same way I do to, and about, everything...which may be a bad thing because you know, I can be pretty screwed up sometimes (not to insult her, and she would agree). Anyway, this afternoon, I drove Ashley and another friend (who was along for the ride) to the airport. In the car we had the following conversation (some background-the convo. was based on a theory by Bill and Pam Farrel, that men are like waffles-read: compartmentalized, contained emotions, and women are like spaghetti-read: non-linear thought process, emotionally uncontained):
______________

Ash: I wish I were able to compartmentalize better.

Me: Why?

Ash: Because my life would be easier and I could put off thinking about things until I had time to really think about them instead of letting thinking about them ruin my day.

Me: Oh ok. Yeah, I wish I were better at that too. You know, that theory: men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti. I heard those people speak once, it was different. I wish I were more of a waffle thinker.

Ash: Yes, I want to be a waffle thinker too. I don't want to be spaghetti. It's just so floppy and tangled.

Me: And it doesn't taste good.

Ash: No. It doesn't. And you can't eat it cold because it's so gross. And when you reheat it, you have to add water...*pause* and water just makes it soggier and when spaghetti gets soggy it just falls apart. Waffles have more resistance to sogginess.

Friend in backseat (who has no idea what we're talking about at this point): Spaghetti is very good cold, and cold waffles are nasty.

Me: See, if we were like waffles, we would be the kind of women we want to be (both of us wish we were better at saying what we think, rather than not saying what we really feel because we're afraid of hurting other peoples' feelings and then having to deal with the fall out), because you know, we could be like, 'I might offend you and you may not like me, but you only know one compartment, you don't know the whole thing.' So we would feel like people were only rejecting one part and not us as whole individuals; which would make us more outgoing and less sensitive.

Ash: And then we'd be happier, and people would know where we stood on things, and we wouldn't feel so drained all the time or avoid people as much.

Me: But maybe that's disrespectful because sometimes, if you're a waffle thinker, you have to be rude. And it's selfish to think about yourself all the time.

Ash: But it's ok to be rude sometimes if you're doing it for the right reasons.

Me: I think being like spaghetti can be good too. Like, spaghetti is all tangled up, but that helps you process things in a round about way and gives you insight because you're processing indirectly and your mind can be more spontaneous in how it responds.

Ash: Maybe we need to be a mix of waffle and spaghetti.

Friend in Backseat: Maybe you are uncooked spaghetti. You know, how it's brittle and breaks. I'm a waffle thinker.

Ash (to friend): You mean you never feel like Spaghetti?

Friend: No. Well, maybe sometimes.

Ash: See, I think we're a mix of both. I think everyone is a mix with one or the other being predominate.

Me: Agreed. But I think some people are ALL one or the other.

Ash: I wonder what we are-well I know we're spaghetti, but I think we're kind of waffles too because over time, you become what you want to be.

Friend in backseat: I'm a waffle.

(Ash and I look at each other and smile because we both fully understand that this particular friend is definitely not a waffle)

Me: I think we're waffles on the outside and spaghetti on the inside because neither of us is very outwardly emotive, but we have spaghetti tendencies.

Ash: Yes! Round on the outside, with twisted minds. (laughter)

Friend in Backseat: I'm definitely a waffle.

_______________

And that is how the conversation went down. It was followed by a very similar conversation about cars, but I will spare you the play-by-play. Clearly, we are still very much spaghetti thinkers.

long distance

"american sunday night"

The title of this post is of course, a play on Brad Paisley's latest album title, but this really has nothing to do with Brad Paisley...except maybe the idea behind the post. As I do on many Sunday afternoons/evenings, I went for a drive. I'm not sure why I drive, probably has something to do with the Sunday drives my parents took us on when I was little, but anyway, I love them-I love that I can be alone to think, and process, and take in scenery at the same time, and basically be in my own world. Most of the time when I go for a drive, I find myself never wanting to come back, to just keep driving for days-of course, I know that cannot happen, but it's fun to think about.

Anyway, tonight's drive was much the same as many others. I didn't go anywhere in particular, just north out of town. About ten miles down the road, I found a little pond that I'd never noticed before. It was along the road, but partially surrounded by trees. Then, I noticed three plastic lawn chairs, the kind you get for five dollars at Wal-Mart, set up beside the pond. Nothing out of the ordinary at all, but it impressed on me that those people, the ones who own the land and set up the chairs, they are living the true American dream: they have a little place, a nice view, and each other...and really, that's all anyone needs. Sure, their pond was small and the land around it was hilly and probably not very good for producing much of anything. And, their chairs were cheap and not very sturdy, but people like that have it all. They have realized that they don't need a lot to make them happy, and they are content with what they have, with the view out their window, the one that they worked to earn. They are content in the life that they are living. Tell me, is there a better way to spend Sunday night than watching the sun set over a little pond with the one you love beside you?

And I kept driving. Another ten miles down the road, I came across six or seven cars and two or three motorcycles parked in the highway median. Now, those who are from the pnw, usually don't understand this kind of highway median. Basically there are two lanes going each direction, with about 300 feet of grass in between the two sides of the highway. Periodically, there are small roads going through the median connecting the highways allowing for u-turns or the ability to reach access roads. Anyway, there were a bunch of cars and motorcycles in the median and several people walking in the grass there, going down under the highway bridge. Apparently they had some kind of party or barbecue going on down there...imagine that: A party. Under a bridge. In the middle of nowhere. When I came back going the opposite direction, there were couples taking turns riding the motorcycles around in the grass. Again, what a neat way to spend a Sunday evening. Sure, it's probably something not everyone would enjoy, but it's another glimpse at the American dream: the ability to have the freedom to enjoy friends, and empty spaces, and have a good time.

That's what I call a true "American Sunday Night".

kites

On my drive home from work today, something caught my eye. It was a kite in the air flying high above the trees. As I got closer, I could see a dad and his 3 or 4 kids standing on a high place along the road putting their kites together. The one I had seen was already in the air, and one or two more were nearing completion. It was such a nice thing to see after spending all day at work watching grumpy moms and dads and tired kids playing the consumer game. Here was a family having fun together outside without spending money, other than what they paid for their kites.

It struck me as funny then, that seeing a kite was odd. That's because I tend associate kites with the beach. I grew up near the coast and there usually isn't enough consistent wind anywhere else that would lift a kite. It also reminded me of my first kite. My dad bought it for me when I was probably 3 or 4. It was a bright sky blue and it had some kind of brightly colored design on the front (I can't remember what the design was). The kite was fairly simple, and it was held together with wooden dowels. I do remember the first time I got to take it to the beach and being so scared that I was going to let it go because it went so high in the air, that at the time, it was hard to watch it and hold on too. I remember letting it go once and dad had to run after it, but man, I loved that thing. I remember bringing it out at home and trying to make it fly on my own. I could never seem to get it going and usually ended up in trouble because I made a mess out of the string and miscellaneous pieces. Eventually, I lost the dowels that held it all together, and so ended my kite-flying days. However, I still enjoy watching others fly them at the beach...or on the way home from work. :)

no picking allowed

Maybe I'm being a little emo. today, but it hit me again tonight that we live in a sad world. I was sitting here at my desk looking at some dying daffodils that my mom sent me from home and began to think about how I would love to find some flowers to replace them. Then I thought, "Where would I find flowers to pick?" and followed by that thought was, "Even if I found them, it's not like I could pick them." Is there anywhere for someone to pick a bouquet of flowers for enjoyment without getting fined?

P.S. I promise I'll try to write about something happy next time...seems like these last few posts have been a little depressing!

chapel, we have a problem

_______________________
How He Loves Us

"He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He love"
____________________

Ok, call me ridiculous, but I am of the opinion that most contemporary Christian worship music these days quite frankly, needs help. The writing is "cheap" (I mean seriously, "Woah" and "Lalalala"?), the tunes are regurgitated from every other worship song, and the whole atmosphere of a service with such music just screams, "I wish I were at a rock concert, but I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with this...maybe if I pretend I'm at a rock concert and scream along, the hott worship leader will notice me." Well, I'm probably taking things a little far with that picture, and to be sure, I know many people who sing worship music with seemingly genuine hearts, but I'm just saying, the music itself just doesn't exactly seem real, or heartfelt, or very worshipful at all. That's why I was exceedingly appalled last August when one of the University's worship teams brought out this song. Sure, I had issues with the "woah, woahs" and the illogical flow of the lyrics, but they were tolerable until third and fourth sentences of the second verse: "If grace is an ocean we're all sinking, So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest." Those lines, particularly the line about the "sloppy wet kiss" were a little shocking. Describing God's handiwork as a sloppy wet kiss seems like an insult to me. I mean, I've had sloppy wet kisses (ex-boyfriend story) and let me tell you, they were not pleasant. I dreaded kissing-it was gross, and awkward, and basically miserable. So anyway, what I'm saying is, the word picture is disgusting and I have two reactions when I hear it sung:

-1.) I want to hurl-because I can relate to the idea of a sloppy wet kiss, and
-2.) I am angered that something as sacred and wonderful as heaven meeting earth (the divine reaching down to touch the temporal and sinful) is compared to something so unpleasant.

Of course kissing, in and of itself, is not gross, and with someone you care about and enjoy being with, it's a lovely thing, but I'm saying I just take issue with the way the song is written. Now I am sure that the writers of the song didn't mean for it to be gross, or disgusting, or de-valuing in any way. I don't know much about the guy who wrote the lyrics, but I'm sure he's a great Christian guy; I just have a problem with the seeming "cheapness" of the lyrics. Compared to the great hymns and choruses of years past, the song seems to bear resemblance to something a teenager would have written in a moment of passion using the limited life experience that most young teenagers have. Of course, who am I to judge? I guess someone could do the same thing to my writing: compared to someone like Chopin, or Melville, or Chaucer, it is utter garbage worthy of the burn pit (it's actually probably worthy of the burn pit of it's own accord), so I don't mean to be judgmental about the writing-it's just how it seems. Also, it is possible that the hymn writers of old had hearts further from the truth than someone sitting in chapel genuinely singing these words, it's just the impression that the song makes that causes me some discomfort and for that reason, I will not sing it.

faith and the future

"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."-Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

I was re-reading some of my older posts this evening and came across one from roughly a year ago (a little less). In it, I mentioned that my former roommate was apprehensive about her college graduation because she felt like it would be the "end of her youth". I basically wrote that I didn't understand why she would feel that way because college (at least in my experience) has been somewhat of a drag. Well, these days, I'm in her shoes. I don't dread graduation, but I am beginning to understand more of where she was coming from. In truth, I am excited about being done, but I am nervous at once, because, as I mentioned in the old post, I've never known anything other than school in some form or other. Now, I am faced with the reality that school-or my time as a student-will be a thing of the past in short order, and I will be immediately faced with several very hefty problems: 1.) I will be (once again) jobless, and 2.) I will soon begin to receive some very, very LARGE bills in the mail from various college loan companies. Honestly, these two issues have been like a weight hanging around my neck for some time, and I feel torn. In a sense, I just want to get on with things and begin working to pay off those huge loans, and in another sense, I just want to isolate myself from the world and pretend like college has been a dream...I know, that is not an option, but the fact that I will be faced with the bills, on top of not having a job in the foreseeable future is enough to set my stomach to churning. I know I spend a lot of time writing about being jobless. The fact is, I have not really been "jobless" for a while...just not making anything. Last summer was hard because I was not technically employed, however, I did do small jobs that earned me enough to pay my bills. Fall semester, I student taught, which was an 18 week, full-time, 45-55 hr./wk. job, but because it was a requirement for school, it was not a paid position-something that was a cause of GREAT frustration after coming off a summer making just enough to scrape by (a refund from school loans and my generous parents helped me through student teaching). As of now, I have a part-time job in town, however, it is only temporary-until graduation and it is also not full-time (not that I could do full-time now anyway with school). Anyway, I'm not sure why I am typing all of this...I'm sure I just need to vent, but I guess I'm just saying that I can sympathize with what my roommate was going through last year. Yes, I am dreading graduation for different reasons, but it is the same fear of the unknown she worried so much about that is now weighing so heavily on me. In my heart, I know that I need to have faith. Over the past few months, I've really been thinking about the choices I made 5 years ago when I was choosing colleges. Actually, that story goes back to 7th grade when I began to feel like I was being lead to attend a Christian university after high school graduation. I spent years praying and searching for the right school and in the end made my decision. The school was fairly prestigious (as much as a Christian school can be) and yes, it was expensive, but prayer after prayer was answered and loans, and scholarship applications, and registration paperwork all went through miraculously on time-even in the face of deadlines. I remember specifically one day, working on a scholarship essay on a Monday afternoon after school. I had just found out about the scholarship opportunity, and it turned out that the deadline was 12, noon, the Wednesday of that week. I had 1.5 days to get the essay written, sent (from the PNW), and received in Illinois. I wrote the essay in record time (20 minutes-it was all I had), and printed it off just in time to hand it to mom who ran it to the post office. The post office was closing as mom pulled up, but she convinced them to let her in to send the essay via air-mail. Even so, the postal clerk was skeptical that it would arrive at the school in time to make the deadline. Somehow, that envelope made the 2,000 mile trip and was processed and delivered in less than 24 hours, and I got an e-mail confirmation from the admissions office the next afternoon. And yes, I received the scholarship. Things like this happened so often during my first year of college that there was NEVER one doubt in my mind that I was where I was supposed to be. After my first year of college, I transferred (due to realizing that my goal of becoming a doctor was just not going to happen-my brain is not wired for chemistry and math) to a small college that I had never heard of, and wouldn't have heard of if it hadn't been for my roommate at the first school. Again, I was accepted and loans transferred, and paperwork went through at the last minute and once again, I knew I was in the right place. Anyway, like I wrote, I've been reminding myself of these events in the past months-reminding myself that God brought me here...there is NO WAY I would be sitting at this cramped little desk, 1,925 miles from home, about ready to receive a college degree (first in my immediate family, first 4-yr. in my extended family) if God had not made provision. I don't know where I will find work, or how, or how long it will take, and I don't understand how I am going to pay my bills, but God does. He is in here with me in the present-knowing my fears and frustrations, and he is in the future, paving a way as I type this. Maybe things won't turn out so neatly, and maybe I will have to file loan extensions and jump through a thousand hoops, and maybe I'll even be homeless (i.e. living with family) for a time, but one way or the other, God will provide for my needs-He brought me here and has provided for me each time I've needed it since I've been at school, and He will do it again. He knew years ago that there was no way my grades were good enough, or that I could afford the college that I felt He wanted me to attend, and He made a way-He will do the same in the coming year.